I'm never giving up my dreams for another man again. I see married women and women with children giving up their lives, their dreams to have a husband. I've had a husband. Now I'm ready for my dreams. I don't understand why it can not be the man in our society who gives up everything to be with his one and only. Funny thing is, I all I ever wanted to be was with him... And now that I know how painful it is to have the affectionate family one's always wanted over the cold family I have, I know I need to be more thankful for who and what I have. There he is messaging me right now! So frustrating! I already told him that I didn't want to hear from him after ten because it is inappropriate for someone who has a new dedication (his new wife and child to be) to be talking to ex in the middle of the night. Does he listen? No. And here I am answering his text. Why? Because I'm selfish and I miss him. And I fantasize that I'm the one raising his child... Just like all the women I look down upon for giving up their dreams for true love. All the women who give up independence to raise children. I look around and see them everywhere and I can't stand it. I'm not sure if I look down upon them or if I want to be one of them.

He's telling me right now about how he wants to finish school and she wants to begin her career now that she's done with her BA, but they have a baby to raise now. I want to just take that baby from them so badly and just love the baby as my own, but I know it isn't my problem.

He also had this surprisingly sincere apology tonight:
W (11:04:25 PM): I just think you should know that you're something special. I know you don't always realize it
Me (11:04:49 PM): Thank you. How does that sound wrong?
W (11:05:46 PM): Flirtatious? It's not my intent...
W (11:07:06 PM): I know I never treated you right. But it's not easy to love as you do...

I suppose "not easy to love as you do" means he'll never love the way I do because it's too hard for him. Does that mean I was right to leave? I hate that excuse, "It's not easy." I'm going to make myself do a lot of things that aren't easy, as I already have by leaving my love.